Nordsjørittet

Nordsjørittet or How to Waste a Perfectly Good Weekend ?

Publisert av Dag Norland, 16.11 klokken 19:05 (oppdatert 16.11, 20:35)

The AP reported the following "7,500 people panicked and fled the small Norwegian town of Egersund after reports of swine flu.

By Vice President Dick Frisbie, Oceaneering

It was later discovered that a cyclist whose helmet was buckled up so tight he couldn't speak properly had asked for "wine and food" but by then it was far too late as the stampede was on.
At least when cattle stampede they finally stop and look around and decide that maybe the crisis is over.
Apparently Norwegians take their stampedes much more seriously because 6 hours and 90 kilometers later it was still going on.
It finally ended in the town of Sandnes where the land ends and the fjord begins"

The AP report did not detail the extent of the problem.
First of all the crowd decided to rush out of town along the narrowest path possible ignoring the highways completely.
One confusing fact that has yet to be satisfactorily explained is why were that many people on bicycles in a town known for fishing?
Norwegians generally fish from boats.
The most likely hypothesis is that at this time of the year people go slightly, maybe totally, crazy from squinting up at the sun 24 hours a day.
So, 7,500 cyclists rush up and down narrow dirt trails through rocks and streams and assorted obstacles giving no thought to human safety.
After about 30 minutes you could hear people shouting "where are we going?"
There seemed to be no good answer to what seemed like a useful question. The most often answered heard was "the people up-front know the best place to go."
Right!!!!

This was later found out to be, unfortunately, wrong as they had no idea where they were going but they couldn't stop to ask directions or 5,000 panicked cyclist would run right over the top of them.
In fact there was a small group that was in such a hurry to run out of land that they kept shouting "Keep right, keep right" as they pedaled like ducks in a river.
How one was supposed to keep right on a narrow track with the ocean on one side and a rock wall on the other was unknown.
At the end of the trail everyone finally calmed a bit and decided that the entire idea was so crazy that they are thinking of turning this into an annual event called a bike race!
Much like discovering a frozen block of ice and naming it Greenland.

So much for the facts.
Here are some of my recollections.
Our support Team led by the honorable Tore "Big Dog" Bernhoff was very unusual.
First of all they apparently got Sandnes and San Francisco mixed up because they went somewhere else most of the route.
Every time I came to an Oceaneering stop the support crew had their lawn chairs out and they were comfortable seated drinking various liquids, some of which I am very suspicious about. They kept telling me how well the race was going.
It seemed more difficult to me!
The Red Cross, Doctors without Borders, etc, could learn some humanitarian skills from this group.
Once I asked for water and was told they were too busy filming the riders!
The video was very good but failed to show the dead bodies piled up around the photographers!
They also decided to put the stops further apart near the end.
Think about this. The worse you feel the further you have to ride to find help!!!
Surely there is a United Nations "Crimes against humanity" issue here.
Still, all in all they did a great job and actually were one of the reasons I finished. I think once you know you can stop if its gets too hard you are able to go just a bit further.
Well done, you made it all possible.

The other item that is a real issue is weather forecasting.
Whatever OAS claims to be good at, weather forecasting is not one of them.
In fact, we are universally pathetic at even reading the published weather forecasts and interpreting them.
When I was in San Francisco I read that weekend in Rogaland was going to have "brisk" winds.
Just so you know, when they use "brisk" for winds its not going to be good.
Moderate will pull your hair out and brisk is more than moderate.
So when I arrived in Stavanger I asked about the weather.
Erik "I cannot tell a lie" Saestad and Egil "all is well" Egeland assured me that no one in the US is smart enough to figure out Norwegian weather.
Actually I agree with that.
What I found out is that no one in Norway is smart enough to figure out the weather either.
I should have known better than listening to Erik. He doesn't even know how many homes he owns so why would he worry about the weather.
Do you think Donald Trump worries about the weather?
So, what should have been a pleasant afternoon cycling through the Norwegian countryside enjoying the sounds of nature, the sparkle of the ocean and the supporting crowds was more like a mud wrestling contest against a polar bear.
The only sound of nature was someone sneaking behind a rock.
The sparkling of the sea was probably there but when one is trying to reattach one's legs there is little time for sightseeing.
Fortunately I lost the ability to think before it occurred to me to stop. Any straight thinking person would have figured that out but I couldn't.
Along the way I came across Erik who says "how are you doing, Dick."
What a great question.
"I'm fine. I only wish I could do something this ridiculous more often. Not knowing which leg is hurting because pain signals cannot pass an ass that is in a state of major trauma is always fun."

And then when I finished someone puts a microphone in my face and asks:
"How are you doing?"
"Really swell. I'm only disappointed that we couldn't go all the way to Tromso!"
And a bunch of other great questions.
"Where are you from"
All I could think of was  "Egersund."
If my bike hadn't held me up I would have fallen over as my legs began to lock up.

All in all a great day. The evening in the atrium was special. Everyone looked so much better.
Once we unbuckled our helmets our eyes popped back in place.
Once we  stopped we could smile again.
The women looked amazing.
Who knows, I might even do this again.

I chose only to deal with the facts.
Nothing above is fictitious or made up.
The guilty have been identified.
Well done, Team.
I'm proud to be part of it.
Feel free to share this with the Team.

Saturday, June 12

Dick,

Houston, Texas
Vice President, Oceaneering